The 10 types of manager

Following on from my recent post "The 10 types of customer", here are the 10 types of manager I have encountered. Some of my facebook friends may recognise certain attributes. Before you go on, please note that these sterotypes take qualities from different managers I have seen (not necessarily had as my manager) and most do not represent one single person. Most.

1. The crazy one
This one comes in different forms, as all crazy people do, but the one I'm talking about is always up for a laugh, and lets you laugh AT them. They wear a variety of hats to all team meetings, to distract the staff from bad news. They spend the day googling office jokes, pictures of cats or the Duchess of Alba.

2. The mafia boss
This boss has the team's best interest at heart, and think of them like a family. They are loved by their team, who treat him/her with respect and can also have a laugh - until someone steps out of line. And at that point all hell breaks loose and no-one knows what will happen next. You want nothing more than to please this person, and when you do it will benefit you immensely. But if you do anything wrong, even without realising...boom!

3. The scary one
You live in constant fear of this one. Whether or not they are a fair manager, you've heard the stories about the former employee who was caught having an extra 10 minutes of their lunch break and got his stomach ripped out; and the cleaner that accidently knocked the boss' documents on the floor and got a vacuum cleaner hose rammed down their throat. You're not sure whether or not these stories are true, but you definitely don't want to find out first hand!

4. The tight one
Whether the manager of a big or small business, it doesn't matter - this manager does everything they can to cut costs. There are some things we can learn from this one, like remembering to switch off the light, or emailing instead of printing paper. But some things they do don't seem to make sense to everyone else, especially when it involves wages, staff welfare, or the ability for the staff to do their job as they should.

5. The one that doesn't give a #@$%
Staff love this one, but the company HQ do not. They can ignore bad behaviour, because the paperwork to do otherwise is just too much. They let staff get away with what they want - which of course means less work gets done, more money wasted, bad behaviour and in some cases can have very bad outcomes for the company, the team, and the individuals. This one can be new to the role, or has been there for so long that they really no longer care.

6. The arrogant one
This one is usually pretty good at what they do in work, but they are a terrible human being. They make "jokes" that are not only incredibly dull, but also quite insulting. They speak their mind without tact, no matter the consequences. They'll probably end up driving their best team members away because they're a dick.

7. The cool one
The cool one is alright! They know how to do their job well, and then will invite the team out for a drink after, and depending on how they are feeling might even buy the first round. They can have a laugh. You respect this one as a superior, but at the same time consider adding them on facebook. They know the names of every employee, no matter how big the company.

8. The dictator
"Clean that! Get me a coffee! Clean it again! You're 30 seconds late! Inhale! Exhale!". Once upon a time, this one would have been quite scary - but in this day and age most people have had enough of them, and will probably just leave, or do the exact opposite of what they say. They usually get stuff done, even if there is nothing to do. But the staff hate them, and do not feel valued as valid members of the team.

9. The fair one
The fair one has been doing this job a while, and they know how to get the best out of their team. They are professional and easily approachable, but also don't stand for bad behaviour. The team like and respect them, but will probably never socialise with them outside of work.

10. The one that thinks with their dick
Actually, this one is quite commonly (as I have seen) a female. They may be more inclined to hire someone, or let them get away with something depending on their gender. They are a dirty, slimy individual. They love to gossip about the team, and have a fair few stories themselves. "Friendships" with them can sometimes be advantageous, but are also very, very dangerous. And if you cock-block them, you will forever be hated and they may even end up sacking you.



Got any more? Add them in the comments!

See Melbourne through Beth's eyes - first impressions of Australia

6 days ago I landed in the city of Melbourne. Having never been to Australia before I had no idea what to expect other than what people had told me. Here's my observations of what I've experienced so far.

Wildlife
I may be in a city, which isn't home to kangeroos, koalas and other things I may expect to find in other areas of Oz, but the one thing I did notice were the birds. Palm trees litter the city, and taking refuge in their heights are thousands of Lorikeets.

The friendly fellow pictured above was from West Midlands Safari Park, the ones below from Melbourne.

As well as these chirpy little creatures, I also spotted a pair of cockatoos nesting in a palm tree this morning. The first time I'd seen something like that in the wild. The marina is home to little penguins and huge water rats - and the crazy fisherman who feeds and talks to them. The crows here make a weird noise, like they're laughing at you, and the pigeons actually dig in the dirt with their beaks to find food. No free chips for them round here! As of yet I still haven't encountered any spiders. I'm starting to think everyone was lying to me about those.

Bohemian
Currently I'm staying in a hostel in a nice little area of Melbourne called St Kilda. It's just outside the city centre, and full of bars, restaurants and beaches. It's very bohemian and reminds me a lot of my home city of Brighton, for it's quirky shops and bars. Down the road from the hostel is a veg garden
which looks a bit like allotments, and has privately owned patches, with accessibility for the public to view. People showcase their weird and wonderful homemade garden sculptures and its a nice place for nature and art.

Hostel Life
This is my second experience of living in a hostel dorm room. My first being in Paris, where the only stranger in the room was a very happy Thai man from Newcastle, who didn't actually sleep in his bed but told us when he got back in the morning all about his exciting night - though he didn't remember too much of it. Hostel life isn't all that bad once you get used to it. If listening to some poor drunk swedish guy throw up all night is your thing, then perfect! But seriously, it has it's good and bad points - no privacy, sharing with strangers; but it's also a great place to make friends and get advice from people who have been to the places you're going! It's a lot cheaper than booking private rooms or hotels and is good for short term. If staying in an area for longer, it's best to get a flat, or a job with accommodation, or the choice we've made - buy a campervan!

Active people
Everyone in Australia loves to keep fit. This is awesome to see and makes me almost want to take up jogging. Everyone is always jogging along the beach, or cycling, or swimming. The other day there was a kids triathlon going on down the road, with thousands attending to take part and show support. It was awesome to see so many young athletes loving keeping fit. Other than not being fat, Aussies are generally friendly and helpful, and a little bit crazy at times but that's why we love them.

Transport
Maybe I won't appreciate this so much when I realise how much I'm being taxed while I'm here, but the transport in Melbourne is great. They have buses and trains, though most people seem to use the tram service as it seems pretty frequent and reliable. On first trying the tram I found it was a little confusing. You have to purchase a card, and top it up with credit in advance, then scan it on the device in the tram when you get in. No tickets, no time wasting.

Money
I was told that Australia had a higher cost of living than in the UK, which isn't great when coming with the money made on our UK wages. But actually, Australia isn't all that expensive. Petrol is about $1.13 and diesel $1.09, which is the equivalent of about 60p in Sterling - ridiculously cheap. Most other prices of things work out similar, though going out for a drink is usually where you'll break the bank. About £4.50 - £5 equivalent for a pint of beer, and more for cocktails and spirits.

Weather
Australia is hot. Currently it is autumn, and today is a pleasant 33 degrees. Over the next few weeks, the temperature in Melbourne will decrease as we come into winter, and I've been told it actually gets cold! Which means for us it's the perfect time to hop in the van and head north.

To sum it up, Australia is awesome - and to prove it to you, here's a video of a moonwalking seagull. 

The 10 types of customer

Working in retail, you get to know the different ways in which people act when they are parting with money. And there are definitely stereotypes. With experience in a call centre, sometimes you get to know these types by just their voice alone within the first 10 seconds of the call. Just remember, at some point we ALL are the customer. Which one are you?

 1. The Old Guy
This is one of the best types of customer. The Old Guy is always up for a chat, and if they weren't getting a new product out of this transaction, they'd probably consider giving you their money anyway, just for spending a bit of time listening to their needs and interests. Depending on what kind of industry you work in, the Old Guy can also be female.


2. The Crazy One
This one is not everyone's cup of tea, but still one of my favourites because no matter what they want, they always make you laugh. They need the best camera to shoot fairies. They want a drink from the back of the fridge because the front ones are cursed. They get black and white candles for the shrine of their recently deceased racoon. And whatever they need, they'll always tell you the story behind it.

3. Mr Grumpy Gills
There's no pleasing this one. The intensity of their complaint has varying degrees, from a mild "You're wrong, I'm going elsewhere" to a full on 45 minute rant comprising of mostly "YOU %#3&@ ". The best thing to do with this one is let them rant. Whatever their problem is, it's probably not your fault. 

4. The Confused
The confused needs help. And it's usually pointless to give them options because they'll spend another 6 weeks considering them. Tell them exactly what they need, and if its the right choice they'll be eternally grateful.

5. The Trading Standard Official
Also known as "The Lawyer", "The Police Officer", "The One with Retail PhD" or any other profession/skill that they can mysteriously drum up at the most convenient of times. They always know how to do business, and always know that you're definitely doing it wrong and your company is going to be shut down any minute.


6. The Middle Aged Woman
When it comes to parting with money, us women know what we want and what we expect. Unfortunately I believe we reach a point in our lives where we confuse this with just wanting to yell at some poor innocent retail worker for no real reason. I don't think I've reached this stage in my life yet, but I'm sure I will.

7. The Could-I-Speak-To-A-Man-Who-Knows-What-They're-Talking-About
No.  
Punches customer in face

8. The Stingy One
These ones will make you feel like it's your fault that you can't offer a discount because they're already buying the item for below cost price, with free accessories, and it comes with a personal servant to massage your feet and tend to your every need on request. You're not sure if you hate this customer or want to be like them for all the money that they must be saving in life. Quick tip: if you ARE this customer, the friendlier you are, the more we like to give you discount. Don't be solely responsible for the bankruptcy of the company. And don't be a dick.

9. The Sleaze
I know these exist but don't think I've had one of these yet on the phone. I obviously don't have a sexy enough voice.

10. The Regular
Every good business has the regular. A welcome face, or sometimes very unwelcome, but at least you know what you're in for with them. They know all the sales assistants by name, and usually have their favourite. 

These are the customers I've come into contact with, and from my experience I've come to learn that the best customers will always be kids. So they may take 20 minutes to count their money, and keep changing their mind about what they want - but they don't complain, they're usually more polite, they don't commit fraud or demand discounts until you're throwing in your own jacket just to please them, and if they do then they're probably the ones that are going to get somewhere in life. I'm also not saying it's bad to complain. As a consumer I have been treated badly by businesses before, and felt I was right to complain. But unfortunately we live in a culture where everyone wants everything handed to them on a silver platter, and everyone thinks they're right. It is our hard earned cash we're handing over after all. Feel free to add your own experiences or more types of customer in the comments.

The next post in this series of probably...2... will be the 10 types of manager. Because I've got the balls ;)